I. Have. Sinned.

I cheated on Black Friday.

THERE!! I said it.

I didn't mean to. It just happened. I was lonely.

Jack was gone and I thought it would be a good idea to scout out some Christmas presents without him. Then it happened, and before I knew it I had a cart full of goodies, NOT EVEN AT SALE PRICE!!! Isn't that just how it is? We think we're getting something good at the time, when the real prize was right there all along. Black Friday and those AMAZING deals are my real prize. Time to refocus all my efforts and wait patiently for Thanksgiving morning when the sweet aroma of turkey and freshly printed newspaper ads fill the house.

Ahhh, Black Friday!

There are countless moments in a mother's life when her child's behavior and accomplishments make her heart swell with pride.

Unfortunately for me, this is NOT one of them.

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others.

What a surprise that my child won't cooperate for a picture.

Over.....

And Over....

And Over.......


...Clearly A Theme Is Developing.....



Until One Rare Moment......

Or Two.....When The Stars Align.....
And someone holds onto him and keeps him from moving....

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!

I can hardly believe that I am the mom to a 3 year old! I know its cliche, but the time just goes by too quickly. It seemes like he should still be this 8 lb 13 oz round baby boy!

Happy Birthday, Jack!

Man, I am really missing this wild animal, and the adorable soon-to-be 3 year old

holding him!

Dear {insert your name here if you've been affected by my rage}...Part 2

Dear "Divorce Education Class" Director-

Hi again, its Chelsea Johnson. You may remember me from our previous phone conversations? Yes, the crazed woman. And yes, those were actual sobs you were hearing. I just wanted to apologize for the tiny temper tantrum I threw. I know you weren't suspecting that at all, afterall, my voice was very sweet and serene in the 3 messages I left you the prior day. Who knew I could flip a switch like that?

The point of my letter is to apologize for my behavior and to thank you immensely for being so overly accomodating to me. I was as surprised as you were to learn the cause of the missing certificate. I am in no way trying to justify my behavior, but the last 8 months of my life have been less than ideal, and the information you provided me with on Tuesday may have been the straw that broke the camel's back.

However, I am happy to report that the moment your package arrives in my mail box, all sanity(fingers crossed!) will be restored, and I'll wrap my rage back up in a tiny little box and lovingly place it back on the shelf. That is, until the next poor, unsuspecting sucker crosses my path. Come to think of it, is that why they keep armed guards at the courthouse?


Deepest condolences-
Chelsea Johnson


P.S. There is a small support group of other innocent victims affected by my rage. You can read one of their stories here, in case you're interested. And talk to my co-workers...they may know a story or seven.

The latest.....

Jack: "Can I have a drink?"


Me: "No."


Jack: "But why?" (in the whiniest voice possible)


Me: "#1-its bedtime."
"#2-you've already brushed your teeth."
"#3-you'll pee your pants tonight."



Jack: "But Mom, #1, I need a drink, cause my body is firsty."