Friday, September 17, 2010

Dear {insert your name here if you've been affected by my rage}...Part 2

Dear "Divorce Education Class" Director-

Hi again, its Chelsea Johnson. You may remember me from our previous phone conversations? Yes, the crazed woman. And yes, those were actual sobs you were hearing. I just wanted to apologize for the tiny temper tantrum I threw. I know you weren't suspecting that at all, afterall, my voice was very sweet and serene in the 3 messages I left you the prior day. Who knew I could flip a switch like that?


The point of my letter is to apologize for my behavior and to thank you immensely for being so overly accomodating to me. I was as surprised as you were to learn the cause of the missing certificate. I am in no way trying to justify my behavior, but the last 8 months of my life have been less than ideal, and the information you provided me with on Tuesday may have been the straw that broke the camel's back.

However, I am happy to report that the moment your package arrives in my mail box, all sanity(fingers crossed!) will be restored, and I'll wrap my rage back up in a tiny little box and lovingly place it back on the shelf. That is, until the next poor, unsuspecting sucker crosses my path. Come to think of it, is that why they keep armed guards at the courthouse?


Deepest condolences-
Chelsea Johnson


P.S. There is a small support group of other innocent victims affected by my rage. You can read one of their stories
here, in case you're interested. And talk to my co-workers...they may know a story or seven.

8 comments:

Billie Sue said...

Oh Chelsea...it's very nice you can provide me with such entertainment after such a very, very bad week. I am glad you can turn your frustration into a form that lets you get it off your chest while laughing about it too. I love you, little Girl!

Libby said...

This divorce class thing is STILL going on?! Oh Chelsea, I am so sorry. You were on the phone with the court house last time we worked together as well. I can't believe how easily they make it to get married, but how hard they make it to get divorced! What a nightmare. I am so sorry.

Your letter however is totally funny! You are such a good writer. You can express yourself perfectly!

Giselle Rasheta said...

So...when are you going to start offering a creative writing class for me to attend? And yes, I'll expect the certificate in the mail immediately after passing the class. WHAT IN THE WORLD??? Oh my word, I am sorry. :(

Giselle Rasheta said...

Oh, P.S. I LOVE the new quote, ahahahahahah!

Billie Jo said...

I either laugh hysterically or cry my eyes out when I read your blog. Thanks for making it a good day. Maybe for the pure sake of your sanity and joy in life, I will let you scan me again. As long as you keep it to yourself!

Stevenson Stories said...

Oh my, guess I missed this memo. What in the heck?! You aren't crazy and everyone has a little rage in them right?! You still amaze me, in a lot of ways! :)

The Gunnerson Family said...

I am so sorry...for that woman I mean! No, I reall am so sorry for all of the CRAP that you have been dealing with FOREVER. Let's be honest, it has been way longer than 8 months. Hopefully things can only get better. I mean they can't get worse, can they?

Brittany said...

Oh I don't blame you at all. I think the story is pretty funny myself...though I would hate to be the woman on the other line at the divorce education class.:) Since you've been through all this divorce crap you can help me through my upcoming divorce crap. Oh joy!