Saturday January 22, 2011
"Hey Mom, things at the restaurant are going REALLY good today, huh?"
Jack has the best imagination ever. I love watching and hearing him play. Whenever we are watching TV or movies he insists that we both take on the roles of the characters. On Saturday we went to see Tangled, and halfway through the movie he leans over and informs me that I am Rapunzel and he is Flynn Rider. Despite the fact that he is a wild and crazy 3 year old, and I practically cry on a daily basis because I feel like he is so naughty and I am doing a poor job at being his mother, he continually surprises me with sweet, thoughtful things he does and says. He is very loveable and cuddly and is constantly showering me with hugs and kisses. On Sunday we had a bunch of people over for dinner, and in the middle of it all he says, "Mom, you look pretty today." I'm pretty sure everyone thought I had brain-washed him to say it, but he truly is a sweet little boy.
I worry constantly that the decisions of the past year will have detrimental impact on his life, and I pray everyday that I will know how to be a better parent to him and help him be able to have a great life. I think as parents we worry so much about our children, and it breaks my heart to think that my decisions will have such a negative effect on him and his upbringing.
I don't know how to have more faith right now. I feel like everyday I tell myself that I need more faith, more faith, more faith, but I don't know how to get it. I need more faith to know that I'm doing everything I can as a parent to provide and nurture. I need more faith to know and believe that I can and will be healed from the events of the past few years and be capable of being someone's partner again. I need faith to know that I will have a partner again. I need more faith to know that it will all work out.
I wish life was as simple as being a child, and imagining that you are someone else or in a different situation. It seems like life would be a little easier if I was Rapunzel and through a brilliant chain of events I let some prince charming rescue me. I wish "things at the restaurant were going really good today."