Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Saturday January 22, 2011
"Hey Mom, things at the restaurant are going REALLY good today, huh?"




Jack has the best imagination ever. I love watching and hearing him play. Whenever we are watching TV or movies he insists that we both take on the roles of the characters. On Saturday we went to see Tangled, and halfway through the movie he leans over and informs me that I am Rapunzel and he is Flynn Rider. Despite the fact that he is a wild and crazy 3 year old, and I practically cry on a daily basis because I feel like he is so naughty and I am doing a poor job at being his mother, he continually surprises me with sweet, thoughtful things he does and says. He is very loveable and cuddly and is constantly showering me with hugs and kisses. On Sunday we had a bunch of people over for dinner, and in the middle of it all he says, "Mom, you look pretty today." I'm pretty sure everyone thought I had brain-washed him to say it, but he truly is a sweet little boy.
I worry constantly that the decisions of the past year will have detrimental impact on his life, and I pray everyday that I will know how to be a better parent to him and help him be able to have a great life. I think as parents we worry so much about our children, and it breaks my heart to think that my decisions will have such a negative effect on him and his upbringing.
I don't know how to have more faith right now. I feel like everyday I tell myself that I need more faith, more faith, more faith, but I don't know how to get it. I need more faith to know that I'm doing everything I can as a parent to provide and nurture. I need more faith to know and believe that I can and will be healed from the events of the past few years and be capable of being someone's partner again. I need faith to know that I will have a partner again. I need more faith to know that it will all work out.
I wish life was as simple as being a child, and imagining that you are someone else or in a different situation. It seems like life would be a little easier if I was Rapunzel and through a brilliant chain of events I let some prince charming rescue me. I wish "things at the restaurant were going really good today."

14 comments:

Valerie said...

Chels I love you and your thoughtful insightful posts...I also love that you run around with me all night and eating cup cakes (you know I posted the potty pic ha ha ha), and way, you are such a positive person and the Lord knows you and your heart and I believe that a lot of good things are in store for you ;) I am so glad you're my friend and I think you do a wonderful job with Jack.

Aimee & Brennen Fuller said...

Jack is one sweet boy. It sounds like you are doing a GREAT job raising him and couldn't do any better. Keep on keeping on. Your Prince Charming is on his way. He's just slaying a few dragons in his path...they always have to slay a few dragons first.

The Swindlehurst's said...

OKAY...thats it, I'm not aloud to come to your blog until Im done being prego, why am I bawling my eyes out right now??? I have no idea!! Why is my husband sitting next to me wondering what the crap is wrong with his overly emotional wife?? Oh yea..that's because his wife is an overly emotional basket case!! Your such a doll chels, hang in there. Somebody is going to be so lucky to find a girl like you...Im sure it will just take a little awhile because Heavenly Father has to get "him" ready for a girl like you, you have so much to offer so he is just preparing him for such and amazing girl like you!

Melinda said...

Oh Chels I really need to check your blog every day because I love reading it and when I do check it there are like 5 more posts and they are all so funny and inspiring. You are awesome and I love you!

The Gunnerson Family said...

I'm having horrible flashbacks to the MANY times I have been working in a resturant and things are NOT going very well. I hate that feeling. That feeling of being COMPLETELY overwhelmed, hating the situation, and praying that NO ONE ELSE would walk through that door. Been there. I'm so sorry that life seems like that resturant nightmere right now. Just take it one customer at a time and eventually things will get better. They always do. Hey, you may end up with a really good tipper!

The Gunnerson Family said...

I'm having horrible flashbacks to the MANY times I have been working in a resturant and things are NOT going very well. I hate that feeling. That feeling of being COMPLETELY overwhelmed, hating the situation, and praying that NO ONE ELSE would walk through that door. Been there. I'm so sorry that life seems like that resturant nightmere right now. Just take it one customer at a time and eventually things will get better. They always do. Hey, you may end up with a really good tipper!

The Gunnerson Family said...

I just ran across this from my friend Cassondra's blog. She is always so good at knowing what to say.

"Quality of life is not dependent on circumstances,
but on our perception of our circumstances."

I came upon the following pep talk from Gordon B. Hinckley today.
I love it.

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is.
It all woks out. Don't worry.
I say that to myself every morning.
It will all work out.
Put your trust in God,
and move forward with faith
and confidence in the future.
The Lord will not forsake us.
If we will put our trust in Him,
if we will pray to Him,
if we will live worthy of His blessings,
He will hear our prayers."

Tana said...

I love you! You are an amazing person, but more than that an amazing mom. You will teach and show Jack all the important things he needs to be shown. I have no doubt about that. I have faith in you as a person, as a parent, as a future wife to some hunk of a lucky guy, and as a friend. You will continue to make this experience into one of learning and growing, and testimony strengthening for both you and Jack.

The Rollo Crew said...

How come life at Winger's just flashed before my eyes?? I love that you are so honest with your thoughts on this blog... I experience the same thoughts daily with raising my boys. You inspire so many...and when you find how to increase your faith will you share the secret with me? I need help in that area too. Miss you!!
XOXO Melanie

Billie Jo said...

Well, leave it to your blog to make my pregnant hormones hit the roof. You are a GREAT parent and a wonderful example to not only Jack but also many others. I love how strong you are, I only wish that you would lean on me a little more and realize that I would do anything I could to take some of the pain away. Flynn is out there and he will love you, your child, your wisdom, your work ethic, and your long hair!

Libby said...

Chels...if it makes you feel any better, I often feel this way as well. Well, more than often. On a daily basis is more like it. I am sure I am ruining my children!!! But you need to remember that you are an AMAZING person! And Jack is going to learn from your example. And he is brilliant!!! He is so smart. And Heavenly Father made him that way on purpose. He will be able to see right from wrong and he will make good choices...well someday. He's three now so we have to cut him some slack for a while. :)

Brittany said...

First of all....you are a great mom and never question it! Jack is a great kid and a lucky one at that. He has you! Second.....you should seriously write for the paper or something. You're so talented!....I'm serious!

McNeil Family said...

Chelsea, I know I always say this, but you blind side me every time I read a post where you are a little down. When I see you I think you are superwoman. And at least twice last week out of the blue, I thought: Chelsea is such a great mom and was an amazing wife. I guess it was a little nudge that I should call you and tell you that. Sorry, we don't get out of our pajamas or listen to promptings! Hopefully that will improve. But we love you and we know you are
A-M-A-Z-I-N-G in every way. I am jealous of you every day! (That was not meant to be a rhyme.)

Stevenson Stories said...

You are such a good mom. Hello he is the smartest 3 year old I know. You are a strong person and I have told you before, but I do look up to you. You have a great job, work full time, you are a great mommy and you cook and clean. That is way more than I can say for myself. Let's get together soon!