Other Blog...

Laugh, judge, mock, tee hee, do anything you want, but I have this other blog I started long ago. It began as a lame attempt to write a cute baby book for Jack to have one day. It ended a couple days later. Now, years later, I am attempting to document my child's life since I don't do it otherwise. Heaven forbid he be like Giselle and not have a baby book to look back on. So, if you want to see what's going on in his life, and what my life is up to other than being cynical about love and marriage, check it out here. Beware, its lame, cheesy and totally indulgent. Afterall, I do think he is the cutest, smartest, most lovable 2 year old on the block.

Good as New

On my most recent trip up and down I-15, I spent a lot of time thinking about my car. As of next month it will be paid off. Its kind of an exciting thought for me. I've been brainstorming all the things I want to buy with the extra money. Then the practical side of me takes over and says I should put that money toward my student loans and get them paid off quickly and try to get myself out of so much debt.

As I traversed the freeway, I saw lots of other cars that caught my attention. I began to think that maybe I should get a new car? Like, a new start to things? I saw bright shiny SUVs, quick speedy sedans, cars, cars CARS! I figure I can just sell mine and put the money towards a new one.

But then I started thinking of all the things wrong with my car and wondered who would even want it? It probably needs new tires, and for sure needs its current tires at least rotated and balanced. There's quite a few scratches and dents from who knows what? Someone stole a piece of the pretend chrome stuff right off the front. And a while ago something on the undercarriage was sagging down and dragging on the ground. My dad even had to take it in and get it put back into place. Sometimes I keep it nice and clean, but other days its messy and unkempt. Why would anyone else even want it?

On my way back home, I stopped in Cedar City and filled my car's tank for the second time that day. I only had one more hour of my 6 hour trip. As I got back in the car and turned the ignition, something happened. Nothing. The car wouldn't start. It tried to start, but couldn't muster up the energy. I quickly panicked. Of all the things going on right now, I seriously do not need this car to die. I tried again. Nothing. Then I had a pep talk with my car. I said, "I know you're worn out, and tired, and have been driving for a long time. Not just today, but for the last 5 years. I have required a lot of you, and you've never let me down yet. So please, just please start and get me back home."

(Other people talk to their cars too, right? And also feel bad when they've driven a long way or if its hot outside and they've been out there all day? Or likewise cold....?? Oh good, I thought so.)

So I tried for a third time. And it groaned and moaned....and started! Relief. I gave it some gas and revved it up a bit, and drove out of the parking lot and headed home.

As I got back onto the freeway, I chuckled, because I realized that my car was testing me. It knew how much I had been thinking and coveting others cars all day long. It gave me a little humbling experience to put me back into place and make me grateful for it.

Then, naturally, I started crying as I thought about my car. I bought it right after Max and I got engaged. It was a "I am an adult and on my own" purchase. I have loved it. Its likely that I've spent more time in the car in the last 5 years than anywhere else. Between planning a wedding while living in Southern Utah, school for the last 4 years at the other end of the state, family events, holidays and attending practically every milestone of our nieces and nephews, I have driven over 140,000 miles in 5 short years!

I also thought about all the near-death experiences in my car. Okay, maybe not near death, but scary nonetheless. I remember when I went spinning out of control and ran off the road and was stuck in a snowball because no one would stop for over an hour! I remembered when I rear-ended someone in a different snow storm.... I came to the conclusion that I simply cannot let this car go. I need to realize its value and dependability. I cannot abandon it for something else.

Maybe I was also crying about the car because I was thinking about our similarities. I was worn out by time I got to Cedar City, too. In fact, I was likely worn out miles, hours, even days before I got to Cedar City. Just like the car, I'm getting old, and have a lot of miles on me. I'm sure I could use new tires. I'm sure I have a lot of dents and dings. I know pieces of me are missing, and I will not deny that parts of me are sagging and need put back into place;) I try to keep myself looking clean and polished, but many days I show up to work looking unkempt. Like the car, who would want me with all these problems?

Then I gave myself a pep talk. "I know its been a long 5 years. I know you're worn out and tired. You've been working hard and trying for so long. Don't worry. Someday, someone would/will want you. Someone somewhere will see your value. They'll realize you're dependable, and have a lot of other great qualities. And maybe you can go to the repair shop and get fixed up a bit. And you'll be good as new!"

It has taken me quite a while, but I think I can say I am starting to adjust to life as a single mom. I'm not sure what I was expecting going into this, but it is definitely challenging and incredibly rewarding. I have had to change my entire work schedule to accommodate custody arrangements and being home with Jack more now. Previously, I used to coordinate my schedule so that Jack had to go to daycare as little as possible. That meant me working more hours, less days, so that Jack could be home in the evenings with Max, and working on weekends, so the same could happen. Now, the days when Jack is gone from me, I work non-stop, and the days when I have him, I only work 8 hours a day, for a couple of days.

We've been doing a lot of fun things over the last month, and here is the evidence. Jack took his first plane ride to Phoenix so we could visit the Rashetas. My mom and I had been so looking forward to this trip, and the timing for me couldn't have been more perfect. We shopped, visited family, ate, toured the temple grounds, went to a children's museum and on and on. I hardly wanted to come back, but I ran out of money and PTO from work!

Easter Festivities

Then we came home and realized what life was like for just the two of us living here. My family has quickly come to my rescue and visited every weekend since I've been back. Giselle, Noah and Rajko and my Mom all came and stayed for Easter/Conference weekend. It was just what I needed to get me out of my "poor pity me" attitude. I felt so inspired by many of the conference talks. So many of them were written just for me, I am convinced. Easter egg decorating was a blast, but I think Giselle and I enjoyed it much more than anyone else.

Jack and Rajko enjoyed finding the eggs around the house and yard. I was so proud of my solo Easter Bunny skills, until later in the day when Jack said, "thanks for my scooter from Wal-Mart, Mom." So, I guess I didn't really pull the wool over his eyes. Maybe next year!

In love.....

So, I got Jack's pictures taken on Saturday and I am completely in love with them! I am so suprised that we even got any good ones, given he was drugged up on codeine cough syrup and was quite sassy the entire shoot. I just need some advice on which pictures are the best! So....if you want to give me your input, I'd love it!.
Go here, then click on clients and enter the password, which is Jack. Hope you enjoy them as much as I do!