Man, I am really missing this wild animal, and the adorable soon-to-be 3 year old

holding him!

Dear {insert your name here if you've been affected by my rage}...Part 2

Dear "Divorce Education Class" Director-

Hi again, its Chelsea Johnson. You may remember me from our previous phone conversations? Yes, the crazed woman. And yes, those were actual sobs you were hearing. I just wanted to apologize for the tiny temper tantrum I threw. I know you weren't suspecting that at all, afterall, my voice was very sweet and serene in the 3 messages I left you the prior day. Who knew I could flip a switch like that?

The point of my letter is to apologize for my behavior and to thank you immensely for being so overly accomodating to me. I was as surprised as you were to learn the cause of the missing certificate. I am in no way trying to justify my behavior, but the last 8 months of my life have been less than ideal, and the information you provided me with on Tuesday may have been the straw that broke the camel's back.

However, I am happy to report that the moment your package arrives in my mail box, all sanity(fingers crossed!) will be restored, and I'll wrap my rage back up in a tiny little box and lovingly place it back on the shelf. That is, until the next poor, unsuspecting sucker crosses my path. Come to think of it, is that why they keep armed guards at the courthouse?


Deepest condolences-
Chelsea Johnson


P.S. There is a small support group of other innocent victims affected by my rage. You can read one of their stories here, in case you're interested. And talk to my co-workers...they may know a story or seven.

The latest.....

Jack: "Can I have a drink?"


Me: "No."


Jack: "But why?" (in the whiniest voice possible)


Me: "#1-its bedtime."
"#2-you've already brushed your teeth."
"#3-you'll pee your pants tonight."



Jack: "But Mom, #1, I need a drink, cause my body is firsty."

So Long, Sweet Summer

The other morning as we left the house, I realized that summer was truly winding down. Jack proclaimed that it was cold outside, and I admittedly felt a nip in the air, too. It was 68. Believe me, that is cold for us.

I'm not terribly sad to see summer coming to an end this year. It just seems that everything we do right now is a new first. Our first summer alone. Our first family trip as a family of two instead of three.....the list goes on....

Despite the sadness and newness of it all, we have had a decent summer. Jack learned to pedal his trike, we visited the zoo and Bear Lake, and spent our days off cooling off at various splash pads around St George with our friends.

I'm already looking forward to fall with some hesitancy. Jack's birthday, followed by Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are sure to bring about a gamut of emotions. I'm sure with the help and love of our family and friends, we'll get through it, too!

Having a Moment

If you've talked to me at all this week, you might know that I've been "having a moment." It is perhaps my most over-used phrase lately.

Yesterday as I was sitting in the temple with my friend, I said, "I thought as time went on this would get easier, but somedays it just feels harder."

I don't get it. I know I'm going down the right path; but sometimes I am just left staring blankly, panic-stricken, chest pain and anxiety-filled.

I think because this is never how you think life is going to work out, accepting the reality of it all is extremely difficult?

I went to the temple, hoping to feel peace about my decisions. I did, of course. I know its right, and I've felt more spiritual confirmation about this decision that I have any other decision I've ever made. However, listening to the words that are spoken sometimes makes me wonder about so many things, and I can't contain my emotions and help but contemplate about my future.

I always think I'm going to make it through a session without becoming a mess of tears. Yesterday wasn't the day.

My moment continued after I left. Whenever Jack goes to his Dad's and I'm home alone, I feel so lost and out of sorts. It's like being his Mom is my identity, my reason for existing, and when he's gone, I am lost. I always finding myself wandering aimlessly from store to store--trying to find something to occupy my time. It never works and I just start counting down the days till he is back and I am restored.

I guess I'll just keep plugging away, counting down the days....but for now, I'm having a moment.

The Non-Metaphorical Independence Day

We could not have asked for a more perfect holiday weekend.....great company, great weather, great traditions, great food, great memories!

{Independence} Day

Lately, Jack is exhausting every effort at displaying his independence. He is insistent on doing things himself. Even when I try to tell him the correct way to do things, he vehemently disagrees and carries out his own actions. A lot of times it ends in bitter disappointment---for him and me too---when I'm left picking up the pieces of his failed attempts.

I mean, after all, he's my baby, and I'm his mommy, and I'm responsible for him and his well being and ensuring he is happy and taken care of and on and on.....

I can't possible sit idly and watch his best laid plans be foiled.

I attempt to sit(or stew, fret, stress, lose patience), I try to reason, explain, encourage, whatever you call it, and I suddenly acknowledge my own guilty role in demonstrating my independence and unwillingness to let people help me. My wrong choices and misfortunes become abundantly clear, and I realize the pain I, and those around me feel from it too.

(Yes, Mom, I finally see what you've been telling me.....)

I've realized, though, that being on my own is an opportunity for growth and a time to re-discover myself and who I want to become. I feel like the circumstances of the last few years, and even more so the last few months, have stifled me and put me under a cloud or fog.

My new found independence is helping to lift the fog and help me visualize the clear, beautiful picture of what I have to offer, and what life has to offer me. Somehow, it all becomes so apparent.

Independence is empowering. Let Freedom Ring.