So Long, Sweet Summer

The other morning as we left the house, I realized that summer was truly winding down. Jack proclaimed that it was cold outside, and I admittedly felt a nip in the air, too. It was 68. Believe me, that is cold for us.

I'm not terribly sad to see summer coming to an end this year. It just seems that everything we do right now is a new first. Our first summer alone. Our first family trip as a family of two instead of three.....the list goes on....

Despite the sadness and newness of it all, we have had a decent summer. Jack learned to pedal his trike, we visited the zoo and Bear Lake, and spent our days off cooling off at various splash pads around St George with our friends.

I'm already looking forward to fall with some hesitancy. Jack's birthday, followed by Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are sure to bring about a gamut of emotions. I'm sure with the help and love of our family and friends, we'll get through it, too!

Having a Moment

If you've talked to me at all this week, you might know that I've been "having a moment." It is perhaps my most over-used phrase lately.

Yesterday as I was sitting in the temple with my friend, I said, "I thought as time went on this would get easier, but somedays it just feels harder."

I don't get it. I know I'm going down the right path; but sometimes I am just left staring blankly, panic-stricken, chest pain and anxiety-filled.

I think because this is never how you think life is going to work out, accepting the reality of it all is extremely difficult?

I went to the temple, hoping to feel peace about my decisions. I did, of course. I know its right, and I've felt more spiritual confirmation about this decision that I have any other decision I've ever made. However, listening to the words that are spoken sometimes makes me wonder about so many things, and I can't contain my emotions and help but contemplate about my future.

I always think I'm going to make it through a session without becoming a mess of tears. Yesterday wasn't the day.

My moment continued after I left. Whenever Jack goes to his Dad's and I'm home alone, I feel so lost and out of sorts. It's like being his Mom is my identity, my reason for existing, and when he's gone, I am lost. I always finding myself wandering aimlessly from store to store--trying to find something to occupy my time. It never works and I just start counting down the days till he is back and I am restored.

I guess I'll just keep plugging away, counting down the days....but for now, I'm having a moment.

The Non-Metaphorical Independence Day

We could not have asked for a more perfect holiday weekend.....great company, great weather, great traditions, great food, great memories!

{Independence} Day

Lately, Jack is exhausting every effort at displaying his independence. He is insistent on doing things himself. Even when I try to tell him the correct way to do things, he vehemently disagrees and carries out his own actions. A lot of times it ends in bitter disappointment---for him and me too---when I'm left picking up the pieces of his failed attempts.

I mean, after all, he's my baby, and I'm his mommy, and I'm responsible for him and his well being and ensuring he is happy and taken care of and on and on.....

I can't possible sit idly and watch his best laid plans be foiled.

I attempt to sit(or stew, fret, stress, lose patience), I try to reason, explain, encourage, whatever you call it, and I suddenly acknowledge my own guilty role in demonstrating my independence and unwillingness to let people help me. My wrong choices and misfortunes become abundantly clear, and I realize the pain I, and those around me feel from it too.

(Yes, Mom, I finally see what you've been telling me.....)

I've realized, though, that being on my own is an opportunity for growth and a time to re-discover myself and who I want to become. I feel like the circumstances of the last few years, and even more so the last few months, have stifled me and put me under a cloud or fog.

My new found independence is helping to lift the fog and help me visualize the clear, beautiful picture of what I have to offer, and what life has to offer me. Somehow, it all becomes so apparent.

Independence is empowering. Let Freedom Ring.

There is a reason.....

.........for my lack of blogging.

Actually, there are hundreds of them....

Here are a few....

(and yes, I am attempting to get some sympathy...)

Last week I....

Had 4 root canals

And 1 filling

And 8 crowns.

More dental work than the average person has in their lifetime. I did it in 1.5 days.

And did I mention I drove to and from Phoenix to get it all done? Maybe the most dangerous 7 hours home I've ever driven, being hopped up on pain killers and all.

Then, I got 32 cold sores,

And 145 cankers.

And ate soup for 10 days.

Literally.

I got home and had to work my hiney off to make up for the time I took off.

I worked a 17 hour shift, thanks a lot, stupid call,

Then got violently ill,

And completely lost my voice.

Still ill, I drove to Salt Lake,

Took my Physics boards for ultrasound..

AND PASSED!!!!

To celebrate, Jack and I went to the zoo,

And had a blast!!!

Then I spent some quality time with my family,

Which included making fab vintage necklaces,

Chatting it up with my awesome sisters and sil,

And punching an ear tag on a cow with my Dad.

What a great week!

To some....

To some, this may look like a random collection of scribbles. But to me, this picture signifies months and months of practice and, ta da, skillfully mastering the art of drawing a cirlce.

To some, this picture shows a scroungy little boy, with disheveled hair, whose mother didn't even bother to wipe his breakfast off his face before posing him for the shot. Some may see a child in their pajamas, even though it is probably 10 AM.

But to me, I see my sweet boy, whose hair grows so quickly, that I can't manage to keep it tamed. I see his breakfast on his face, which shows that he jumped down and ran away from me too quickly for me to finish cleaning him up. I see a scratched elbow which shouts that summer is in full swing; and that this boy, who runs and jumps and never slows down, is loving every minute of it.

I see his Lightning McQueen pajamas, and remember the fight that ensued when trying to get him dressed in real clothes. Its a reminder that these days, its not important to sweat the small stuff.

I see a kid, beaming with pride, who has come a long way in the last year, (from eating crayons) to now drawing perfect circles!

You can see it all too now, right?

This Boy.....

I'm not sure how I got so lucky to have this boy be mine.

He is funny and smart---yet tries my patience in ways I never imagined.

He is thoughtful and loving---but sometimes throws tantrums I can't begin to control.

He is stubborn beyond belief--but surprises me with his kindness almost daily.

I love this boy.

He has an obsession, to say the least, with Cars.

His collection grows weekly, but I'm trying to put a limit to it.

He knows each character and what lines they say from the movie.

Everyday he asks me if we can buy "Flo."

I'm trying to turn his wants and desires to add to his collection into a teaching opportunity.

He has a jar he is trying to fill up with cotton balls.

When he's good, and goes to bed alone at night, we put a ball in.

Let's just say the jar isn't very full yet.

It's adorable to watch him play and re-enact each scene from the movie.

"Wreck, shoot, I'm the world's best backwards driver...."

I don't even know how many times a day I attach Lightning to Mater's hook.

Last week he was sick. Sicker than he has ever been. We laid on the couch for 5 days and watched Cars 45 times. No joke. He knows the lines really well now!

I had to take care of my little patient and get him everything he wanted, which included, gatorade, milk, water, pretzels, popcorn from Target and yogurt. All at the same time.

Good thing he bulked up, because he was so sick and had such horrible sores in his mouth, he didn't eat for 5 days.

Jack has really been struggling at his daycare, and I've debated in my mind so many times whether I should change or not. I feel like his life is so inconsistent and he is juggled around so much, that going to the babysitter was the most stable and consistent thing for him.

Then she informed me that she thinks something is wrong with him and that he needs counseling, because is having a lot of "accidents" at her house.

I left in tears.

Counseling, for a two year old?

I immediately called the hospital daycare to see if they had any openings.

Luckily they did.

Monday was his first day there. I was worried and stressed all day about how he would do in a new place and if he would have any "accidents."

When I arrived to pick him, he didn't want to leave the playground and come home.

I hesitantly walked up to his teacher to get his daily report, and she proceeded to tell me how much they loved him and what a great day he had.

She asked me if I was aware that he knew all his letters, numbers and colors.

Uhm, yeah lady, I am his Mom.

Then she said she even went back to the secretary and asked if he was in the wrong class because he was acting so mature.

Nope, he is in the right class.

She said he was such a joy and a great addition to the class.

I left in tears, again.

This time for a much different reason, obviously.

It was so refreshing to have such a positive response from them,

and to have my thoughts about my sweet boy reaffirmed.

I think his new daycare will be such a good move for he and I,

and I can't wait to see more positive changes in our future!
I love this boy.