My biggest fear since becoming a single parent is the effect the circumstances will have on Jack. I never pictured raising him without a father in the home everyday, and I worry all the time about how he is going to know how to be a good father, husband and priesthood leader without one in our home as his example. To be honest, those concerns were the main reason we left St. George and moved back to Kamas. I have 2 wonderful brothers, 3 amazing brother-in-laws and the best dad in the world to provide those examples for him when we would otherwise be hundreds of miles away form our family.
The outcome of being surrounded by these great men has been better than I could've imagined it. Each one is so caring to Jack and is always so helpful with him whenever we're around. Whether its taking him on Father and Son campouts, wrestling/rough-housing with him or taking him to feed cows, they are always there to help.
Last night, in a miraculous event, he actually ASKED to have a sleepover with his cousins. I beg him every weekend to sleep there so he won't have to wake up at 5:45 AM when I leave for work, but he refuses to sleep away from his mommy...awwww...After I told him he could sleep there, he got really excited and said,
"I bet Uncle Rick will let me ride around on his back! That's what he does to Eli and Noah."
As always, I love listening to General Conference and being uplifted by the inspired words that are spoken. I was elated to hear a talk directed to single parents during the Saturday session by David Baxter. It was the perfect thing for me to hear and I have been studying it deliberately since.
Elder Baxter says,
"Although you may at times have asked, why me? it is through the hardships of life that we grow toward godhood as our character is shaped in the crucible of affliction, as the events of life take place while God respects the agency of man. As Elder Neal A. Maxwell commented, we cannot do all the sums or make it all add up because "we do not have all the numbers."
Whatever your circumstances or the reasons for them, how wonderful you are, day to day you face the struggles of life, doing the work that was always meant for two, but doing it largely alone. You have to be the father as well as the mother. You run your household, watch over your family, sometimes struggle to make ends meet, and miraculously you even find the wherewithal to serve in the Church in significant ways. You nurture your children. You cry and pray with them and for them. You want the very best for them but fret every night that your best may never be good enough.
This is not exactly what you had hoped or planned, prayed for or expected, when you started out years ago. Your journey through life has had bumps, detours, twists and turns, mostly as the result of life in a fallen world that is meant to be a place of proving and testing.
With God's help, you need not fear for the future. Your children will grow up and call you blessed, every single one of their many achievements will stand as a tribute to you.
Heaven will smile upon you. Truly you are not alone. Let the redemptive, loving power of Jesus Christ brighten your life now and fill you with hope of eternal promise. Take courage. Have faith and hope. Consider the present with fortitude and look to the future with confidence."
